33 Ways to Better Life
Celebrating my 33rd trip around the sun in cowboy boots - naturally
2022 was a year of serious growth and change. From the physical growth, I experienced while growing an 8-pound 10-ounce baby, to the lifestyle change of moving to Brooklyn and fingering out what our routine is. In the search for equilibrium, I found … self-help books. Now I wasn’t really looking for them so to say, they were simply referenced over and over and over again in the Youtube videos I was consuming about intentional living and minimalism (I still prefer intentional-ism thank you very much). In each video, they would talk about a study discussed in a self-help book and the narrator would say some variation of, “They studied X and Y and found out that Z will increase your happiness/productivity/etc.” The repetitive nature of these statements really stuck with me. As I was getting close to my birthday this year one of my favorite Youtubers Cam aka Struthless posted a video titled “32 ways to be better at life”. In this video, he shares 32 random pieces of advice he has learned in his 32 years. It was incredibly inspiring. In an homage to Cam and my 33 trips around the sun here are my 33 pieces of unsolicited advice.
Always wash your hair if you have time
I learned in college that you will never regret washing your hair when you have the time to do it. Even if you are just thinking about it, do it!
“Our heads are round so our thoughts can change”
I don’t recall where I heard this but I have always loved the message. People are allowed to change, it’s how we grow. Never be ashamed of your journey.
Never go to an event wearing a pair of shoes you have never worn before
It says it all
There is a line when getting ready where you go from looking good to the opposite, find that line
The Instagram/Youtuber Jenna Marbles did a parody several years ago where she was waiting for a date to pick her up. In the video, she is getting ready to meet him and finishes her look with about 3 minutes to spare. She then decides to add a wing to her eyeliner, then add a bolder lip color. The next thing you know she is adding body glitter on top of it all and looks ridiculous. Long story short, find your line.
Don’t be afraid to ask to be paid what you’re worth (and be willing to walk away if they say no)
This is a hard one I learned the hard way. At a place I used to work, I had asked my boss for a salary change to match the work I was doing -work that had been divided among three other people. After several rounds of spot bonuses but never a salary change I asked again for an increase in salary to match the work I was doing. I was informed that there wasn’t enough money this quarter but maybe next. Fast forward several quarters and another member joined the team in a role that was equal to mine. Through an email mix up I learned that they were making $30K more than me with less experience. It was a gut punch. Always stand up for yourself because at the end of the day, no one else will.
Confront gossip head on
It sucks to be gossiped about, but it’s the best way to handle it. Trust me.
Never be afraid to say “I’m sorry”
We are all growing and learning. Owning up to our mistakes only makes us stronger.
“Not everybody liked Jesus”
This is one of my mama’s sayings that has stuck with me my whole life. Think about it, how true! There is always going to be someone who is upset/angry/disappointed in you. Do what is best for you.
“Just cause you can can don’t mean you should should”
Another one of my mama’s phrases that only gets better with age. I believe the first application was for an outfit I wanted to wear out in high school, but it has universal implementations in life.
Always talk to strangers
Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with the people around you. I have made friends, received job offers, and been invited to events that I had no business being at simply because I said “hello”. Perhaps Im overly optimistic but I believe people are naturally good-natured. Always say “hello”, you might learn something.
Learn how to get yourself calm
Where was this when I was younger?! Nowadays with a little one and a very needy dog, this is invaluable. Being able to calm myself before I lash out or yell is a skill worth finding within yourself.
Be the change you want to see in the world
I live in Brooklyn but I’m from small-town North Carolina. Where I grew up people use to greet everyone on the street - not the case here in NYC. However, I alwasy make an effort o say “Good morning” when I pass someone in the morning because that is something I want to have in my world. 99% of the time it is met with a big smile and a “Good morning to you too!” You can always change your environment.
Always be reading a book
If nothing else you can use it in conversation when things get awkward.
Thank the cleaning staff for the work they do
This really doesn’t happen a lot. If 2020 taught us anything is that the folks that keep our lives moving aren’t the ones that really come to mind. Make sure they know that you see them and appreciate them.
Walk whenever you can
You feel better in the end.
Eat a salad and fruit when your body says it needs it
I might have grown up on fried southern goodness and pop tarts but I can not go a day without fresh fruit now. Listen to your body and I promise it will reward you for doing so.
When you are debating going to sleep on the couch or going to bed always go to bed
No regrets.
You never regret waking up early
Facts. It sets the tone for the day.
“You rest you rust”
This was a phrase my late father used to say to my sister and me when we were little. Add movement to your life. The minute you cut out the walk or whatever your exercise of choice is it’s a slippery slope. My dad always had an abundance of energy when we were little. I remember him being hard to keep up with when I was in middle school. I couldn’t imagine how it would be now.
“Rain is the same thing you pay for in the bottle”
Another one of my father’s sayings that rings true. It’s what comes to mind when I see people running in the rain or crouching under a tiny overhang. It’s just water folks. You’ll be fine.
Put the phone down for photos and just enjoy
I know we hear this a lot but it bears repeating.
A place for everything and everything in its place
The only way my home is able to stay somewhat put together is through this mindset. If an area of your house is a disaster then there are likely items that don’t have homes there. Giving every item a location ensures that every member of the family knows where said item is and it’s one less, “Honeyyyyy where is the ___” you have to answer.
20/20 rule
Originally a rule from The Minimalists this has helped me in my moves. If an item can be replaced in 20 minutes or less, for $20 or less, you can let it go.
Read/listen to self-help books in areas you really want to improve
I have fallen in love with the app Blinkist for this reason. Digestible bites of self-help books that get to the essence of the message. Concepts are immediately followed by actions for things I want to work on within myself. I’m here for it.
Join a book club
This has been such a great way to stay accountable to myself in growing. I prefer non-fiction clubs but really any group meeting will hit the mark on this one. My book club in Durham, NC was so diverse - not to mention I was the youngest one by 20 years. I looked forward to it every month. Something about coming together with others to hear their opinion on a piece of work had a way of developing a beautiful sense of community.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup”
This is a quote from my sister that I absolutely love. Not only is she the smartest person I know but she has a great way of looking at every situation. You can’t give to others if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Fill yourself up then you can give freely.
When debating whether to tell a story in conversation ask, does it move the conversation forward or add new information? If not, then don’t share
It’s just a good rule of thumb, especially in awkward social situations.
Always ask a question at the end of a story someone is sharing
This shows the storyteller that you were paying attention and care about what they have to say. It can be really effective when you are talking to someone and have no idea what the topic is they brought up. The whole conversation can keep flowing and the vibe keeps moving.
When traveling always pack less than you think
No matter how much I travel this is a lesson that I know but never follow and I always regret it. The stress of trying to sneak items through security disguised as a pillow is just not worth it. Leave room for souvenirs and peace of mind.
Don’t move your whole house. Pick the items that add true value to your life and replace the rest
My husband and I have lived in 21 homes in the last ten years. Needless to say, we have gathered some wisdom on moving. A home is not defined by the stuff in it but by the people in it. Pack the really sentimental items and buy the rest when you get there.
Watch the flight attendants give their safety brief
It’s just a nice thing to do. Make eye contact, smile, and know that you made someone’s day.
Buy yourself pajamas
Having clothes that are only sleeping has created in me a ‘Pavolv’s dog’ sort of reaction when I put them on. When my body feels that cottony goodness hit, it’s ready for bed. On the other end,d in the morning change out of them. Even if I am just putting on leggings and a t-shirt. It signals that my day is starting. I never regret it.
Never underestimate the power of a written card
Maybe this is the southern woman that will always be in me, but the written word has so much power. You can find cards everywhere these days. Next time your friend has a birthday send her a card. I promise she won’t forget it and you won’t regret it.
What are your pieces of unsolicited advice? Share below! I would love to hear more. Cheers to another trip around the sun!
