How To Make Friends & Hang Out With People
Making friends on the surface seems like such a simple concept. In most of the places I have lived, though, I have shown up not knowing anyone outside my home and needed to start from scratch. The move to Chile in a pandemic has made meeting people challenging, but I am starting to get my footing here almost three months later. Now there are at least two people I know that I can call to hang out with, which has made such a huge difference in my mental health. Here are my tips on making friends and hanging out with people, especially in foreign countries.
Open Mindset
Meeting people at times can bring back feelings of going clubbing when I was in college. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to get ready to go, but I never wanted to leave once I was there. As the saying goes, “The first step of any journey is the hardest.” Keeping an open mind and reminding yourself that friends can come from anywhere really does make a difference. I have made friends via Airbnb experiences, workout classes, and folk dancing groups. Friends come in all shapes, sizes, and places. Be open to the possibility that someone could be your next BFF and go on the coffee date.
Open Calendar
I am what you might call an 'extroverted introvert.’ While I love being social, if I don’t follow up a social day by a day alone, I feel overwhelmed. I can sparkle when I need to, but I do thrive on alone days to recharge. This is why keeping an open calendar has been crucial. This allows me to make sure that I am putting my most centered self into the universe to meet people. It also means taking advantage of those days where I am feeling myself. Nothing is worst than going to lunch with someone who has their mind somewhere else. Capitalize on the days when you feel the most open and honor the days you need to recharge.
Post photoshoot with my friend Haydee in Santiago
Be True To You
What is important to you in a friend? Think about it. Look at the people in your friend group now. When I came to Chile, I knew I wanted to meet people that I could speak Spanish and learn Chilean slang. That means that I haven’t joined any American ex-pat groups on Facebook since that’s not the friends I am trying to make. Don’t get me wrong, I am open to meeting other Americans, but that is not who I am seeking out. I also really like being outdoors and exploring cities. That means that I am looking to connect with people in those areas. Being more focused helps you not spread yourself too thin due to FOMO (fear of missing out) since you know what you are interested in and the areas in your life you want to expand.
Talk To Anyone & Everyone
This has been a BIG one for me. When I was living in Mexico City, I was so nervous about speaking Spanish with people due to a lack of confidence and a lingering Castillian accent. So I decided to start talking to the women who shop with you at stores. (Side note: In Mexico City, most middle-class and up stores have ‘shoppers,’ women that walk around stores with you and help you shop. One store I frequented was akin to Macy’s in the USA. I always walked around in the same areas to talk to the same woman - Maria.) This was a casual setting that was low risk. After a while, Maria and I developed a friendship. I would frequently stop by to ask her questions about words I heard and to talk to her. Before I left the city, I gave her a going-away gift for the friend that she had become. Talking to Maria gave me confidence, and when you are living in a country that speaks a foreign language, nothing is more important. You don’t have to develop a full relationship with people, but little things like compliments and small talk are great ways to practice. Most importantly, remember that no one judges you more harshly on your language ability than yourself.
Get Out There
If you are waiting for someone else to go with you on an adventure, you could be waiting a long time. Some of the best things I have done, and the best people I have met, have been when I have gone off on my own. When I lived in North Carolina, I joined a folk dancing group. The first day I showed up, I didn’t know anyone, but I was met with open arms. My nervousness quickly went away, and I always did my best to make other new people feel welcomed. There was a similar situation here where I booked a photoshoot via Airbnb Experiences in downtown Santiago. The photographer and I hit it off, and now we see each other once a week for lunch. Striking out on anything alone can be nerve-racking, but in those moments, you will be the most open to meeting people and making friends.
Hiking with friends in the Santuario de la Naturaleza el Arrayan
Places To Go
Here is a quick rundown of spots I have made friends with and how to get connected.
Workout classes: This is an easy one to find, but when I lived in upstate New York, I joined a Zumba class that was incredible. I even ended up getting my certification and teaching some at the same place.
Online groups: Facebook, Meetup, and Instagram interest groups are just places I have connected with people. These are great to monitor for the events you want to attend and though you want something to do with prominent like-minded people.
Walking around the city: When I lived in Durham, NC, I met up with someone I knew at a cafe. The parking lot for the restaurant was shared with the Living Arts Collective, which sounded interesting. When I looked them up online, I saw they offered folk dancing and decided to join.
Volunteering: I have always loved books, and when I lived in DC, I frequented my local library. When the big semi-annual sale was going on, I volunteered to help and met some incredible folks shopping at the event and working the event with me.
While the pandemic has undoubtedly changed our landscapes, our need to connect has never been greater. Build a strong community for yourself. If you ever need another member, you have one right here.
